then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
