we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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