mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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