I puked a lego.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
