I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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