theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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