speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
