Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
love makes seman taste better
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
