Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
