Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
