we have officially lost it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
