I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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