Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
