idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
