What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
whose parrot is this?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
