So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
