Screwed.edu
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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