p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
