Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
