I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
