apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
