just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're like the curious george of whores
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
