who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
