I think I am morally bankrupt
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Shame is for Republicans.
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