Whoa Z and x make the same sound
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
