maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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