I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
