I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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