Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
