hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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