So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
