dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
