I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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