Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
