some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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