My room smells like vodka and shame
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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