No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
