she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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