I'm really into asian looking animals
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
