Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
