Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
