Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
