I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
