dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
