i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
