I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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