scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
