I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
