Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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