one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
