great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
